It was 5 PM on a Saturday evening.  I was about to enjoy an early dinner with some friends, followed by a
7 PM movie.  There was only one person in the restaurant when we arrived.  I saw this as a promising sign - that we were likely to get served quickly.  We could have a leisurely meal and get to our movie in plenty of time.

After placing our orders, we sipped, chatted, and anticipated the arrival of our food.  Five thirty came and went.  Our soups didn't arrive until 5:45! 

At this point I was no longer relaxed.  I was worried - would we make it to the movie on time?  I felt restless and fidgety.  I looked at my watch repeatedly.  At 6:05 - one hour after we'd ordered -- our meals still hadn't been served. 

I decided to speak up.  As I approached the counter, I saw that the staff was packing up a huge take-out order instead of preparing/serving in the dining room.  In an irate tone, I let the waitress know that I was not happy.  Why were they taking outside orders when they couldn't handle the ones inside?  She apologized profusely and assured me that our food would be out momentarily.  I didn't believe her, and I was right! 

By the time our entrees arrived at 6:20 PM  - my stomach was in a knot.  I bolted down my meal, barely tasting my dinner.  We had to rush to get to the movie - and arrived just as the film was beginning.  My upset over my dining experience lingered.  Although my body was at the movies, my mind was still at the restaurant, rehashing what had happened. 

Has something like this ever happened to you?  What I felt in that restaurant was STRESS!!!   Irony of ironies - when this incident befell me- I was in the midst of writing a presentation about handling stress.  It was fascinating to see myself-- smack dab in the middle of a major episode.  This led me to ponder--: How could I have handled this differently?

In my research, I discovered Dr. Albert Ellis's A- B-C strategy for managing stress.  In this approach, A is what's triggering you, B are your beliefs about A, and C are the consequences (stress) that result from holding onto your beliefs.

Dr. Ellis suggests that, to manage stress effectively, you choose from the following options:

1. Change your "A" - the source of your stress.  Hindsight being 20/20, I realize that, instead of waiting and silently fuming at the restaurant, I could have spoken up sooner or chosen to leave once I saw that they were so far behind schedule.

2. Change your "B" - your beliefs about the source of your stress.  Although I felt like a helpless victim in that restaurant, I knew that the delay wasn't personal.  They weren't out to upset me.  Their intentions were good.  They had just made some poor decisions and were now coping with them as best they could.  Acknowledging this might have consoled me in the midst of my upset.

3.  If you can't change the cause of your stress, nor your reactivity, then find a way to manage the inevitable reaction that you will experience (your "C.")  The act of sharing might have calmed me down.  I could have been more open with my friends about how upset I was feeling.  Their perspectives on the situation might have helped soothe my frayed nerves.   I could also have tried to distract myself or used some deep breathing.  In my experience, all of these tools can be helpful when you're willing to use them.

Stress is potent and potentially harmful.  Unfortunately, it's so prevalent that it's almost unavoidable.  By choosing to de-stress, and by practicing helpful techniques, you can improve your mood and health.   The next time that you're getting worked up over an upsetting situation, remember you're A-B-C's.  They teach what is so wisely advised in the Serenity Prayer:

That you -

- accept the things you cannot change

- have the courage to change the things you can,

    and the wisdom to know the difference.